Ode to my Father

By Tenzin Choedon

If I have a thousand good words to say about my mother, I have millions for my father. He was in every sense, not only a perfect father but also a perfect husband. Unfortunately, I lost him right when I needed him the most. I was opening up my life to yet another man and needed someone to stand up for me if anything went wrong. Looking back, I feel like everything started falling apart after he passed away. To this day, I live with regret, with sadness, with emptiness and with so many questions unanswered when it comes to my father. It’s been almost 15 years since he passed away but there’s not a single day I don’t think of him. Even after all these years everyday has been a struggle coming to terms with his death and there is no way to ease the pain except put my feelings down in words. And so, during one of my commutes in a train, I decided to write down my feelings and that’s how this poem came about. Writing sure makes me feel lighter and keeps my grief at bay, at least for now.

Ode to my Father

Parting was hard; forgetting, even harder

Never knew life would be this tough without a father,

Men come and men leave

But for now, only in his love do I believe,

Fourteen years is enough to heal the separation,

But then, why does he exist even in my imagination,

Mind is consumed by ‘should have done this or that’

But for now, if only I could get a hug or a pat,

I know it’s not going to be over; ever

This dreaming, this wondering, this wishing forever,

I was neither his princess nor his world

Because of this, I became tough and bold,

Every time I see a father and a daughter

Oh! How I so wish our days together were a little longer,

I believe neither in miracle nor in magic

But if granted one, I’d save you from the end that was so tragic,

So many things for us, I long

Yet, to this fate of mine I do belong,

You are gone, you are gone; to myself I tell,

Yet, to death I wish to scream and yell,

This is me, a life without a father by my side,

If you still have yours, hold on to him and hold him tight.

Leave a Reply