Note: The Tibetan Feminist Collective is a multimedia publication and does not provide any direct services. However, we believe that it is important to provide information and resources on domestic violence. If you are in immediate danger, please dial 911.
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (DV)
Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Other terms for domestic violence include intimate partner violence, battering, relationship abuse, spousal abuse, or family violence.
SIGNS OF AN ABUSER
Anyone can be an abuser. They come from all groups, all cultures, all religions, all economic levels, and all backgrounds. They can be your neighbor, your pastor, your friend, your child’s teacher, a relative, a coworker—anyone. It is important to note that the majority of abusers are only violent with their current or past intimate partners.
There is no one, typical, detectable personality of an abuser. However, they do often display common characteristics:
- An abuser often denies the existence or minimizes the seriousness of the violence and its effect on the victim and other family members.
- An abuser objectifies the victim and often sees them as their property or sexual objects.
- An abuser has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world. He or she may appear successful, but internally, they feel inadequate.
- An abuser externalizes the causes of their behavior. They blame their violence on circumstances such as stress, their partner’s behavior, a “bad day,” on alcohol, drugs, or other factors.
- An abuser may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence and is often seen as a “nice person” to others outside the relationship.
TYPES OF DV
- Physical Abuse
- Sexual Abuse
- Verbal Abuse
- Emotional/Psychological Abuse
- Economic Abuse
- Immigration Abuse
- Marital Rape
DV IN THE TIBETAN COMMUNITY
Tibetan women’s rights advocates like Dechen Tsering, co-founder of ACHA Himalayan Sisterhood, have worked with domestic violence victims around the globe and written extensively about their first hand experiences assisting survivors of gender-based violence in Tibet and India.
Some prominent exile women leaders like Dhardon Sharling, Tenzin Palkyi, and B. Tsering have used their western education to provide DV training and resources to both Tibetan women and men in the exile settlements through both Tibetan and US groups like the Tibetan Women’s Association (TWA).
Other individuals, like author Kunsang Dolma, have documented their abuse both inside and outside Tibet. Her memoir is one of the few books, along with Tsering Wangmo Dhompa’s A Home in Tibet, to be published by a Tibetan woman.
If you are in the United States and in immediate danger, call 911 first. If you believe you have experienced or witnessed violence, please seek immediate assistance from one of the national hotlines below:
National child abuse hotline: 1800-422-4453
National domestic violence hotline: 1800-799-7233
National center on elder abuse hotline: 1800-677-1116
National sexual assault hotline: 1800-656-4673
National human trafficking resource center: 1888-373-7888
All hotlines are free and operate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Hotline operators are trained professionals who provide services in a non-judgmental manner and are completely confidential. Offered in over 170 different languages, these hotlines include crisis intervention, safety planning, organizational references, emotional support, and other resources.
ASIAN AMERICAN RESOURCES
The New York Asian Women’s Center 24-hour, toll-free multilingual hotline is 1-888-888-7702 and includes resources for counseling, safety plan, and emergency shelter listings in 11 languages and dialects. Staff can answer general questions about domestic violence, give information about their services, and make referrals to other organizations and agencies.
For general mental health resources, please call either of the following multilingual 24-hour hotlines: 1-800-273-8255 (available in 150 languages) or 1-877-990-8585 (available in Cantonese, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, and Fujianese).
A full listing of Asian American DV organizations can be found here.